ON a reporting expedition to Los Angeles recently, I realized I could stop renting cars.在一次前往洛杉矶做到报导的过程中，我意识到自己可以不必租车了。I would never again have to brave the L.A. freeway behind the wheel. I would never have to obsess, like the characters in the “Saturday Night Live” skit, “The Californians,” about taking the 101 to the 110 and Canyon View Drive over to San Vincente to the 10, then switching over to the 405 North and getting dumped out onto Mulholland.我总有一天需要再行勇气地在洛杉矶的高速公路驾车行经了。我总有一天需要再行像《周六夜现场》(Saturday Night Live)短剧《加州人》(The Californians)中的角色那样，著迷于从101道直奔110道和峡谷景观道，到圣文森特，再行到10道，然后转至405北道，再行到穆赫兰等候了。I had Uber.因为我有了优步(Uber)。
Even in the land of movie stars, you could feel like a movie star when your Uber chauffeur rolled up. Standing in front of the Sunset Tower Hotel, I tapped my Uber app and saw five little cars swarming around my location. But, suddenly, they scattered in the opposite direction. I stood in the driveway, perplexed. Finally, a car pulled up, and the driver waved me in.在电影明星的地界，当你的优步司机驾车过来时，你也不会实在自己类似于个电影明星。车站在日落塔酒店(Sunset Tower Hotel)的门前，我点了点优步应用于，看见五辆车城外在附近。但是，突然间，他们向忽略的方向四散而去。我车站在车道上，茫然不知所措。
最后再一有辆车停下来了，司机鞠躬让我上车。“Do you know why no one wanted to pick you up?” he asked. “Because you have a low rating.”“你告诉为什么没有人不愿载有你吗？”他问道。
“因为你的星级有点较低。”(Uber drivers see your rating once they accept the request and then can cancel.)（优步司机在拒绝接受你的催促后可以看见你的星级，然后可以中止单子。）I was shocked. Blinded by the wondrous handiness of Uber, I had missed the fact that while I got to rate them, they got to rate me back.我万分愤慨。
我只看见了优步神秘的便捷性，竟然没注意我在给他们评分的同时，他们只不过也在给我评分。Revealing that I had only 4.2 stars, my driver continued to school me. “You don’t always come out right away,” he said, sternly, adding that I would have to work hard to be more appealing if I wanted to get drivers to pick me up.结果我只有4.2星，这位司机向我说明说道。“你有时候没马上出来上车，”他坦率地回应，说道我必需希望，显得更加有吸引力一些，才不会有司机不愿载有我。
Uber began to feel less like a dependable employee and more like an irritated boyfriend.我开始实在优步不那么看起来一个可信的雇员，而更加看起来一个发脾气的男朋友了。I know Uber has the image of an obnoxious digital robber baron, a company that plays dirty tricks and proves that convenience “makes hypocrites of us all,” as John Naughton put it in The Guardian, noting that its very name has connotations of Nietzschean superiority. (Travis Kalanick, the C.E.O., coined the word “Boob-er” to describe his greater appeal to women because of his success.)我告诉，优步的形象如同一个令人讨厌的数字大盗，不时欺骗愚蠢的花招。正如约翰·诺顿(John Naughton)在《卫报》(The Guardian)上所说，它证明了便捷性“让我们所有人都出了伪君子”，而它的名字具有一种尼采式的高人一等的含义。（公司首席执行官兹拉维斯·卡兰尼克[Travis Kalanick]用“妞步”[Boob-er]这个词来撒谎自己因为获得成功而对女性享有了更大的吸引力。
）But it is a boon for women out on their own — unless you get a driver who harasses you and knows where you live. (After a driver allegedly raped a New Delhi passenger in December, Uber introduced an in-app emergency button in India.)不过，这个服务本身对女性是一个福音——除非有司机侵扰你，又告诉你住在哪里。（去年12月出名新德里司机被指强奸乘客，之后优步在印度版的应用于中加到了一个应急按钮。）What I had loved about Uber was that, unlike in every other aspect of my high-tech world, I didn’t feel judged. My worth wasn’t being measured by clicks, likes, hits, views, retweets, hashtags, Snaps, thumbs-up or repins.我讨厌优步，因为它和我用于的其他所有高科技服务有一个不同之处，那就是我实在会遭评判。
在它那里，我的价值不是由页面、拜、敲打、观赏、并转引、标签、SnapChat讯息、覆以或Pinterest发送来取决于的。Except then I learned that sitting in an Uber car was pretty much like sitting in my office: How much have you developed your audience? How much have you been shared? How much have you engaged your reader? Are you trending?结果我找到，躺在一辆优步专车里只不过类似于躺在办公室里：你培育了多少受众？你有多少内容取得了共享？你的读者参与度低吗？你上热门榜了吗？I was trending on Uber, all right, and not in a good way. I had avoided Lyft not only because of that pink mustache but because I had heard that you were encouraged to sit up front with drivers and give them fist-bumps. It seemed more like The Flintstones’ car than Cinderella’s pumpkin coach.我倒是在优步上白了，但不是因为什么好事。我仍然对Lyft敬而远之，不仅是因为那剔粉红色的胡子，也因为我听闻，它希望乘客躺在机长的方位上，和司机碰拳。
它或许更加像《摩登原始人》(The Flintstones)的车，而不是灰姑娘的南瓜车。But, now, instead of quietly sitting in the back seat of my Uber and checking my phone or reading the paper, I had to start working to charm.但是现在，我无法安静地躺在优步专车的后座里查阅手机或网页报纸。我必需开始希望套近乎了。
“Your husband likes oysters?” I enthused to one woman driving me in San Francisco.“你老公讨厌牡蛎吗？”我热情地问旧金山的一位女司机。“What are the kids up to this summer?” I chirped to another.“你的孩子们今年夏天有什么想呀？”我喧闹地与另一个司机闲谈。It was starting to have the vibe of friending, liking and sharing on Facebook, and that always gives me acid flashbacks to the ’80s when I was forced to go to my brother’s house and watch slides of his wedding. Finally, my nephew explained that I didn’t need to grovel or gush. I simply needed to say, as I got out of the car, “Five for five.” If I promised to give them five stars — even in the Wild West of Uber X, where the drivers often seem so unfamiliar with the local terrain it’s as though they’ve arrived from Mars — they would give me five stars.这有一种在Facebook上加朋友、点赞和共享的感觉，并总是让我返回想80年代不得不去兄弟家观赏他的婚礼幻灯片的难过情景。最后，我的侄子说明，我并不需要亲近司机或展现出得很热情，而是只必须在等候的时候来句“互打五星吧”。
也就是说，如果我答允给他们打五颗星——就算是闯进了Uber X这样的蛮荒之地，体验到司机往往对当地路况一无所知，样子他们就是指火星来的——他们就不会给我打五星。Bribery. Lies. Cover-up. My Uber app turns out to have all the usual Washington vices.行贿、谎言、纵容。到头来，我的优步应用于染上了华盛顿少见的所有酗酒。
An article in Business Insider advised giving an extra cash tip and not passing gas if you want a five-star rating. Enough passengers throw up that there’s an official policy. (A fine between $50 and $200.)“商业内幕”(Business Insider)网站有篇文章奉劝大家，如果想要取得五星，最差给司机一点额外的现金小费，并且不要在车里出气。有不少乘客在车里腹泻，以至于公司特地制订了这方面的规定（赔偿金在50到200美元之间）。
Coming from a family of Irish maids, I had been looking forward to the concierge democracy, where we could all be masters of Downton Abbey, butled by drones and summoning staff by just touching our smartphones.由于来自爱尔兰女佣家庭，我仍然期望着杂役的民主化。到那时，我们就都会沦为《唐顿庄园》(Downton Abbey)中的主人，由无人驾驶飞机侍奉，通过轻点智能手机来仆人人。As The Wall Street Journal recently reported, “There’s an Uber for everything now. Washio is for having someone do your laundry, Sprig and SpoonRocket cook your dinner and Shyp will mail things out so you don’t have to brave the post office. Zeel delivers a massage therapist (complete with table). Heal sends a doctor on a house call, while Saucey will rush over alcohol. And by Jeeves — cutesy names are part of the schtick — Dufl will pack your suitcase and Eaze will reup a medical marijuana supply.”正如《华尔街日报》(The Wall Street Journal)近日所述，“每个领域现在都有一个优步。你可以用Washio去找人老大你洗衣，用Sprig和SpoonRocket去找人老大你吃饭，通过Shyp来寄送东西，这样你就不用特地去和邮局做事。
你可以用Zeel叫美容治疗师（自带美容桌），用Heal叫出诊医生，用Saucey让人送酒水。通过Jeeves——讨喜的名字也是其噱头的组成部分——Dufl不会老大你离去手提箱，Eaze则不会补足你的医用大麻。”There is also Luxe, which uses GPS to offer a personal parking valet dressed in a blue uniform who will meet you at your destination and park your car for you.还有Luxe，可以通过GPS获取一名身穿蓝色穿著的私人服务生，在目的地等着你，为你泊车。
But they’ll no doubt all have mutually insured destruction rating systems, too, so Saucey will reveal how politely I grab my bottle of Grey Goose.但是，毫无疑问，这些服务全都享有双向评级系统，所以Saucey上的评分可以反映我接过灰雁伏特加(Grey Goose)的时候有多么礼貌。I’ve only yanked my rating up a tenth of a point in the last two weeks. I’m hoping Uber’s self-driving cars will like me more. But somehow I think the robots will be even more judgy.过去两周里，我的优步星级只提高了0.1。
我期望优步的无人驾驶汽车不会更喜欢我。但知道何故，我实在机器评判起人来只不会更为冷酷无情。
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